I N S I D E - O U T

ErR- actuali I get angry wif my parents .___. but yahs... now is much better. last tym I will juz shout/snap at em. Now I already changing lahs... so yahs, tat's settled. My method of cooling down is juz 2 keep quiet. & normally I'd think to myself, God, can You please help me to cool down and calm myself down. It works I suppose. I never quarrel with them for quite long already. (which is quite an achievement) especially since now they are unhappy wif me 4 becoming so "christiany." Dun think they know that I converted yet. but yahs my mum accepts tat I go church every sat. But when she gets unreasonable, it's really testing my patience. But is ok lahs, keeping quiet works for me.

Anyway... it's seriously kinda hard 2 grow in character. I think I will try not to rush myself?

Btw, these stuff that u're telling me I think I read in e book Tim lent me before. I think it's a great book. I'm using it for devotions everyday now. Although I know it can't substitute Daddy's Word. But then again.. it asks u to reflect on your own stuff & life. Lyk there was this chapter that ask whether you are a good influence. Also another that was about forgiving people who hurt you. I thought that was useful for me. The book told us to rite a prayer for the person who injured you or whom u are angry wif. & I din physically rite it out lahs .__. But I juz thought about it & then after that I felt much better. I suppose it works [".] lols .__.

HmM [".] another flaw I'd lyk 2 change wud be to be less emo? I got quite huge mood swings. It's lyk... not really emo lahs. Juz feel sian -.- sian of doing work especially. I already kena "poked" by Daddy many tyms already. Coz Daddy knows that sleeping is quite high on my priority list. So yahs... I dun think Daddy wants that lahs. imagine sleeping everyday without finishing ur work 1st? O.o diaos =.= yahs... can die plz... So yahs... I'm working on that now. Struggling. Coz I reali lyk 2 sleep. It's e only tym when u dun haf 2 tink abou anything. Dun haf 2 listen 2 Daddy. LOLS (oh dear, later he scold me arh x_x) no lahs~ Is juz.. sumtyms it gets a bit diao...& I havent even really begun serving Daddy. I really can totally picture a crazy me when that time comes. So actually I'm secretly hoping that I won't grow so fast so that I dun haf 2 serve that quickly. UGH I feel Daddy going "That's not the right mindset you shoudl have." UGH. Yahs -.- yes, Daddy, I know. ugh T.T

Okies, so Daddy says dun sleep before finishing your work. Also, dun sleep in lectures. (I feel lyk arguing: But other christians sleep in lectures too) then I realised tat they at least do their homework. whilst... I do em last minute... or hand in late. -.- Okies, I lose liaos. When you're arguing wif sum1 lyk Daddy, it's really lose 1 lorhs... He can go join our debate team lahs. trash e other team. LOLS x) so yahs... although I alwaz haf friendly debates wif Him & lose, I will still go sleep .___. so this juz goes 2 show how Daddy is so nice 2 me. Even though I dun listen He still nvr lyk, deliberately get my family memeber 2 wake me up 2 do hmwk -.- Thank Daddy for letting me have my way. But then hor... I think I will suffer e consquences T.T UGH T.T so scary!!!! okies okies, I will try my very best 2 control my sleeping tendancies T.T

How to say no to Daddy.. It's lyk.. impossible lahs zZZZzzzzZZZ *sighs*

I was scouring stories 4 my other blog (e pink 1) when I came across this 1. I think it's really cool. so touching.

A Boys Race Prayer
My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad." That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son.

The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed. Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out.The project began....Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work. And he did. I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do. Within days his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car. A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of mom). Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids' cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning," the pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own.

Then the big night came. With his blue pinewood derby in his hand and pride in his heart we headed to the big race. Once there my little one's pride turned to humility. Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own. All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed. A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilbert's, lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle. To add to the humility Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side. A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side, Gilbert had "mom."As the race began it was done in elimination fashion. You kept racing as long as you were the winner. One by one the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp.

Finally it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there.As the last race was about to begin, my wide eyed, shy eight year old asked if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray. The race stopped. Gilbert hit his knees clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands. With a wrinkled brow he set to converse with his Heavenly Father. He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half. Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, "Okay, I'm ready."

As the crowd cheered, a boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp. Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rushed over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car.Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank you" as the crowd roared in approval. The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So you prayed to win, huh, Gilbert?"

To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir. That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help me beat someone else. I just asked Him to make it so I didn't cry if I lost."Children seem to have a wisdom far beyond us. Gilbert didn't ask God to win the race, he didn't ask God to fix the out come, Gilbert asked God to give him strength in the outcome. When Gilbert first saw the other cars he didn't cry out to God, "No fair, they had a fathers help." No, he went to his Father for strength.Perhaps we spend too much of our prayer time asking God to rig the race, to make us number one, or to much time asking God to remove us from the struggle, when we should be seeking God's strength to get through the struggle.

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippines 4:13

Gilbert's simple prayer spoke volumes to those present that night. He never doubted that God would indeed answer his request. He didn't pray to win, thus hurt someone else; he prayed that God supply the grace to lose with dignity.Gilbert, by his stopping the race to speak to his Father also showed the crowd that he wasn't there without a "dad," but His Father was most definitely there with him. Yes, Gilbert walked away a winner that night, with his Father at his side.

=====END======

I think this story really touched me x_x Daddy is ALWAYS doing this to me lahs -.- everytym I feel sian of Him (LOLS) & having 2 be such a gd person, He alwaz touches me in such small (but huge 2 me) ways...[".] That's 1 of e reasons y I alwaz prayed from young. But then... I never had e wisdom lyk Gilbert. I was a selfish little girl who prayed for stuff for myself. Of course, I prayed for others too. But they took up a really small portion of my prayers when I was young. I prayed for good results mostly. & God gave them to me. I feel lyk... going to TJC. was also His plan. Coz... I really never got that type of marks before. Either that or they really moderated alot. *shrugs* But I seldom thanked Him. I took all the stuff that I got for granted.. But He didn't abandon me when I prayed hard. I remember certain times when I became really troubled or met with difficulties, it would be quite terrible...& crying, I'd think God, please help me. But I alwaz prayed 4 e change of outcome. & sumtyms it really happened. Others it didn't. But I treated Daddy lyk a helpline in the past. It really shouldn't have been like that. I wished I had been more like Gilbert & That I had appreciated His help more. I'm really glad that I went for the Tianjin trip & met CY & Den. I don't know how to describe how glad I am to have really finally found Daddy. The Daddy who answered my prayers since young even though I wasn't a christian & found the right way to be with Him.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

2:12 AM;
to love You from the inside out

x x x x x x

x
x
x
x
x
x