I N S I D E - O U T

Jiayou chionging work 2! I know we're all busy. I've sort of been acting like I'm the only one with troubles! -.- which is so NOT true at all! (although homework troubles are easiest to solve out of all x_x) Anyway, this morning was so funny! I was talking to xiu 2dae after class CIP in bedok central kfc, & she told me actually today xianjue & her pangsey us!! I was lyk... HUH? Got meh? O.o seems lyk u wanted we 4 2 meet 2geder in e morning .__. I din exactly noe about that -.- LOLS

Anyway, I felt quite sad (not to mention shocked) after hearing about pastor shirley's story. Dun worry lahs, I wun like that 1 ^^ But then I guess... Some people really lack love lahs .__. so their way of wanting love from others is quite extreme. I think I can understand. But then I don't think it's worth dying for. I think if the people around her r unable 2 4gif her, then they are really not the ones who truly love her. I think what she lacks is confidence, coz she doesnt really feel lyk ppl love her unless they are concerned when she's sick or make a fuss over her. Anyway, I thought we can't end our lives ourselves? Won't we go to hell like that? It's not worth it. I think she wouldn't have done that if there was someone she really 100% trusted & could turn to no matter what. [".] HmM yah. Juz felt lyk it's been weighing down on my mind so wana reflect a bit. Okies, I sure dun wana end up lidat. & I believe I won't. Even if there's no1 there for me anymore, (that totally won't happen, coz I'm so nice, & ppl juz adore me! LOLS xP hahas~ It's true what! ^^) I still have God. I believe that His love is enough. & yah... I don't think anything is worth ending ur life over. Then again, when someone is depressed, really cannot think so much. sad until can't stand it= can't think straight = just lose urself inside e depressing thoughts. It's lyk this huge spiral. Hahas, lucky I dun haf this problem, can juz listen 2 praise & worship songs. Or happy chinese pop songs ^^ hahas, I used 2 "emo" alot early in e morning 1. But yah... after getting to know Him better, I refuse to let myself be emo. If I ever am emo, I will juz go & find my friend! Haix... why she so cute & nice 1?! LOLS

btw... my Hon asks if she can join our care group occasionally, does it matter that she's frm city harvest church & not ours? Coz I dun think can right? So I told her I'd ask u. Hope u can see this soon & tell me. x_x that'll be left up to God's will already. Anyway, she also has a lot to learn. Becoz although she's very old spiritually, she's almost as clueless as me! -.- ironic but true. lols.

OKies, y m I bloggin here? hahas~ coz i type faster than I rite postcards! LOLS, anyway, thanks 2 u, I'm getting rid of alot of my large collection of postcards that I collected but never use! LOLS xD thanks arh~~~ x) anyway, I realised e homework due tmr is within manageable ability. ^^ So yah, can afford 2 be here. xD

Anyway, after class CIP, we ended at 3pm by the way. (Stupid lorry!) But nvm, I'm not pissed, juz a small bit irritated it took so long to come 2 us 2 cum collect our stuff. ^^ anyway, we bonded by playing games while waiting! & we bonded by helping each other out as we moved e stuff & worked together to collect stuff. I was in a group wif 2 nice j1 gals from 2708. But later I got transferred to another team with a girl called Daphne. then she was talking loudly on the phone to her friend, & I found out that she's from New Creation! She's also christian! hahas~ so cool! ^^ Yups x_x so happy we got common belief! I think we can click well. She's really nice.

Speaking of which, I was attacked by a little black kitten while collecting newspapers. shan't elaborate. 4 details, approach the victim directly. LOLS, create suspense

I was saying...!!!! After class CIP, we went to kfc to eat. but most people left one by one. Then some of the christians in my class were talking. He doesn't like these people. So he's finding it hard not to hate them when a guy says something mean. I tried to point out that sometimes he's juz kidding. So it like... don't take it seriously. & we shouldn't let hate invade our hearts. So Michael & Evelyn (student council secretary) offered their valuable advice. It was so interesting hearing them talk. I'm lyk... *in awe* cool! Okies, I shall seek their advice more from now on. LOLS x) of course I'll seek ur advice also lahs~ ^^

I had fun bonding with my class. Thank God for this opportunity. & I got to know Daphne, Lin Yu & Naomi. ^^

I started asking the friends in my clique to evangalist service. & they are quite reluctant to go. I'm seriously not surprised. I was trying to convince them when Daddy gently reminded me that I'm saying a lot of wrong things. So I was lyk -.- haix... nvm liaos, sian, dun wana ask already. O.o no lahs -.- of course not. I was just reflecting. how 2 say so that they won't get e wrong message & I don't have e wrong mindset?

I duno why. Although I'm perfectly well aware of how much God loves all of us... I don't think everyone can feel it. I want the people around me to feel it. I want them to be saved. But there's this nagging feeling that keeps shouting out to me. Nobody can really believe unless they are really a little interested in finding out in the first place. .___. I guess that applied to me. I was slightly curious when I first went to church. & it was a weird experience =.= Some went before & had not found it very nice. obviously is not my church lahs. but they juz keep thinking it'll be e same. DUNO HOW! =.= I'm suddenly reminded of last night when CY was telling me that it's e wrong mindset to keep thinking that u cant do much coz u r new believer & still need to grow alot. BUT I do need to grow alot & I really really duno what to say or answer certain questions people ask me even till now.

I juz realised I'm 3 weeks old already. -.- this is terrible! I've only finished 1 book! I'm SO SLOW CAN???

ok tired liaos. Go do homework & sleep. See u tmr 4 prayer meet! ^^ God bless~~~

Luv, Chloe

11:13 PM;
to love You from the inside out

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